Stuff I Read On Craigslist

Your Love Is (Not) Better Than Ice Cream

If you REALLY want to bear his children, you could always settle for chocolate-vanilla swirl.

ice cream

Date: 2009-12-05, 10:13PM

you had a dog that was some kind of large rescue nervous dog but I pet him anyway and he really responded to me, and i of course have a small boutique pure bred. i held the freezer door for you and asked you directly with eye contact 'want some ice cream?' that one moonlit night at our local neighborhood corner store. you responded 'oh yeah!' with exuberance and a sparkle in your eye that gave me false hope and a quickening of my heart beat ; i saw our worlds collide, me undergoing hours of unnecessary labor to bring forth your beautiful bearded hipster children, and you living for the moments that you could lose yourself in the sensitivity and the guarded passion of my large innocent eyes; our gaze lingered for half of a half of a second and the universe held its breath as you reached for your.....
vanilla...
and i reached for my new york super fudge chunk.

it will never work.

Original URL: http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/mis/1497144521.html

"Irresistible" Player "Resorted" To CL

This guy thinks he's so hot that he's unapproachable. Austin Powers, eat your heart out:

To All the Women Obsessed with Me - m4w

Date: 2009-09-30, 8:07AM

Look, I'm a good looking guy, that's fine. 

But why not just ask me out instead of playing all these silly games? 

All day long, I'm running into women of all sorts who just STARE at me shamelessly ... You think I don't notice, but trust me, it's obvious. 

The young waitress at Chili's?? Smiling at me, touching my shoulder and tossing her hair seductively with every refill of my diet coke?? FRIKKIN ALL OVER ME!! Then I leave my customary 5% tip, and next time I come in she's even more obsessive, trying to play "hard to get" by avoiding my section completely. 

The older lady who approached me at Barnes and Noble, who has her own business and is looking for people just like me to help her expand in the area? ... I bet there's nothing she'd like more than for me to expand in her "area"!! 

The well-endowed blonde bartender with the wedding ring.. who calls me "Hun" every time I order another gin&tonic... YOU'RE MARRIED, YOU FILTHY NASTY WELL YOU GET IDEA!! 

Well, I've resorted to posting on craigslist, so I can use the anonymity to help mask my amazing looks and irresistible charm. But no doubt some of my internet stalkers will find me anyways, offering to let me see them "live 24/7" showering with their sorority sisters. 

If you can approach me with confidence so we don't have to play these silly games, I'd love to hear from you. ...

• Location: SAN FRANCISCO
Original URL: http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/m4w/1399575688.htmla