Stuff I Read On Craigslist

OMFG, The Suspense Is KILLING Me!

Please, oh please, just skip to the part where you scam me out of all my money and get me to sign over power of attorney to you!

extra cash

Date: 2009-12-03, 2:22PM

...Do you want to change your financial situation...

Really, do you...

...I'm serious...

Do you really want to earn some money online...

...If so...

Just in case you do...

...I'm hoping you're serious...

This is real...

...One click...

Go to the webpage...

...Download your FREE ebook...

Yes it's FREE...

...See for yourself...

[URL omitted]

Original URL: http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sby/biz/1493674171.html

MILF In Search Of, Um, Stuffing On Thanksgiving

Here's what's happening on Dysfunctional Drive:

Weird Thanksgiving memories

Date: 2009-11-19, 9:02PM

Thanksgivings are always spent at my mother-in-law's hoity-toity 12,000 square foot "weekend" house on the water on Kent Island. We're there ALL day and it's stuffy and I hate going. These are salt-of-the-earth middle class people who made good real estate investments that made them wealthy and every Thanksgiving they act like they are the Trumps. Anyway, 3 years ago around Thanksgiving time, I posted something on RnR about my husband calling me a MILF. I got quite a few emails soliciting sex and one of them was from my husband's 19 y/o second cousin. I recognized his email address instantly but definitely didn't expect the content of his email!

So for 8 hours that Thanksgiving, I fucked with him. I don't remember exactly what I said at first, but it was something he definitely remember writing about in his email. I saw that deer-in-the-headlights look on his face and I KNEW that he knew. He desperately tried avoiding me but I kept following him around the house. To this day, he avoids me. That was the best Thanksgiving ever!

Original URL: http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/rnr/1473963192.html

I'm Not Gay, I Cheat On My Wife!

Sounds like this guy got what he deserved:

your baby threw up on me - m4w

Date: 2009-11-12, 1:27AM

You looked like a milf. You smiled at me. You were having some trouble getting out of the subway with your baby. Even though I was late for work, I carried your freakin space age stroller up two flights of stairs so you could hold your precious child. I'm a nice guy, no charge. And when I looked into Satan Jr's eyes and did a goochy goo he threw up on me in disgust. This is understandable as I was also disgusted at my lame attempt to spark some sexual consideration from you, but now I have a vomit encrusted waffle top from the gap. And the gap doesn't tell you, but those waffle pocks trap baby vomit like it's a panic room. My gf gave it to me and I wanted to return it, as I don't see myself being gay in Aspen anytime soon. You owe me $29.50.

Original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/mis/1462331368.html

I'm A Good Guy, No Matter What My Parole Officer Says!

It's called fraud, if you're "intertested" enough to "incuire."

Character Reference letter

Date: 2009-11-02, 3:22PM

Hello

I recently got into some trouble. This event is putting my job in jeopardy. I need someone or a few people that can write a character reference letter so I can keep my job. Compenstion will be given. If your intertested please e-mail me back this is not a joke

Compensation: please incuire in email
Original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/wrg/1448398853.html

I Slept With My Boss's Wife. My Bad?

I'd actually like to hear a lawyer answer this guy's questions:

Wrongful termination?

Date: 2009-10-19, 11:34AM

Would having sex with your bosses wife be ground for termination? can I get unemployment? We never had sex at work or even near work, the most that ever happened there was that she picked me up after I finished my shift

Should I get an attorney?  I would appreciate advice from someone with a legal background or someone with experience in labor laws of California.

I don't mean to sound cold but whatever is going on in there marriage it's not my fault I asked her out and she said yes, she did not have to accept my offer.

Original URL: http://sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/rnr/1428413906.html

Grown Man Needs Babysitter And Maid

Bargain hunters beware:

Free man to good woman !!

Date: 2009-10-11, 1:10PM

My ex is need of a good woman. She must be YOUNG, any body style ( from images of his exes..looks don't matter either ). She must do LAUNDRY, Clean House, Clean after HIM and His children, be his babysitter when he takes a 2 hour nap daily, be his laundry attendant...washing, folding, putting away, be his cook, and OH...pack his lunch. She must get him everything he asks for...because he's too lazy to get it himself. She also must be willing to have occasional sex ( and I do mean OCCASIONAL ) when he decides to get horny from looking at porn. Serious requiries only please. I QUIT !!! 

Location: Everywhere

Original URL: http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/rnr/1416598521.html

Have Room For One More, Brad And Angelina?

I'd call this woman. Definitely.

Let me be your new daughter!

Date: 2009-10-06, 5:08PM

I was unemployed for 51 weeks. Went on about 50 job interviews ... Finally a job stuck. Unluckily for me ... I got stuck doing administrative work while getting paid $18/hr, which created a budget issue ... if this goes any way like it did before, I’m going to look at being unemployed ... again, something I don’t want to have happen. That’s why I’m reaching out to you lovely celebrities for help since finding a job really isn’t working out... I want you to adopt me. 

That’s right. Adopt me. 

I’m a 26 yo female. I’ve got it all. I’ll move into your 10,000 sq. ft mansion and get your busy and hectic life together like no satanic stepchild could ever do! 

I’m college educated. I have a BFA ... but that’s not all. I come from a Greek family. I can make the best homemade Bakalava and Spanokoptia like you wouldn’t believe. What’s that Chris Cornell? Your wife Vicky is Greek too?  ... not only can I cook and bake Greek, but just give me any recipe, or have me pull one from my personal collection and I’ll whip it up. ...

Ad Promotes Web Site Urging Skinny People Not To Get Tattoos

The ad below for an intern "scribe" is silly and not to be taken seriously. It was probably written only to promote the URL that's buried in the gibberish. And it would have been a great idea if it weren't for one problem: the only content on the Web site is a picture of a person eating a pepperoni pizza.

Moral: People with skinny arms should NOT tattoo them. (And, stay in school. Please.)

DESPERATELY SEEKING SCRIBE

Date: 2009-09-23, 6:59PM

PRE-WARNING... 
WARNING... 
Peep this, 
Are you looking to be a world-class scribe? 
Are looking to be NO-TICED? 
Want to go to all the swankiest parties in hot towns such as Occidental, CA? 

Then we have the intern for you. Opps, i mean, then you are the intern for us. 

Seeking scribe to record the greatest ideas known to man[(and woman) and ("genetic hybrids" of the sort)]kind. 

Please send personal writing example. Note: accepted in any form- text message, to do list. bullet points are a plus, but not required. 

Criers need not apply. Ugly people tooooooo. for that matter, mean people not allowed either.....but, we digress. 
Back to the point. email us if you think you're right for the job. 

Founding Mothers/CEOS of www.SOAPCHEESE.com: 
KB, CJ, AO, SB, DB, AKA: 2 K's, and (founding) father: JK 
Benjies and Bennies (Salary): cheese (e.g. soap cheese, penguin cheese, kosher cheese, government (super serious) cheese, goat cheese, american cheese, swiss cheese, roquefort...)

D.S. This is no LOL! 

Internship Prescription: 
-Person to play shadow. 
-To scribe all things said, including coolness about the cool things said. 
-Must be gold-star-proficient. 
-We accept both systems of honor (scouts' and honor). 
-Must write faster than the speed of light. 
-Must possess anti-digression filter (aka be able to record 4 convos + at once). because we talk over each other, and digress, you know....shit comes up in scribe texts. 

ok, well, ah, look forward to hearing from you... .... .... 
Let the bromance begin..... 

• Compensation: cheese
Original URL: http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/wrg/1389531189.html