Stuff I Read On Craigslist

He's a Genius!

This guy has inspired me. I'm going to open up my very own "hysteria treatment" clinic.  But I swear I'm just "practicing for Burning Man."

Free Trimming, Shaving, Dyeing, Pampering as part of Burning Man prjct

Date: 2009-12-13, 3:27PM

I need volunteers for this project who want personal attention, patience, and the kind of pampering that I've been providing to my patrons this past year. At Burning Man I inherited the "Pampered Pussy Lounge" - a service that provides free, personal grooming in a mellow, non-clinical style. Before this past year I had plied my skill in these areas only with my partners, but my friend who had been operating the "Pampered Pussy Lounge" had to take a break, and when the women continued to show up, I got called into service. I spread my wings and was a busy boy at The Burn and the San Francisco Decompression. I did trims, pattern shavings (including an American Star pattern that was pretty sweet, if I do say so myself), clean-shavings, hand-washings, and dyeings.

To prepare for the next Burn, I need to practice, practice, practice. The services I'm looking to practice include trimming, shaving, waxing, dyeing, hand-washing, and 19th-century treatment for hysteria. I don't care if you prefer a “full” hair style or the clean-shaven look. There are plenty of options for pampering if you want to participate. I'm happy to render my services in private or in a more public venue. As you can imagine, we needed to make the operation very portable to be able to tend to our people on the playa and at our tent at the San Francisco Decompression.

So any women who want to support my project and get pampered in the process, shoot me a note! If you're a Burner yourself, so much the better, though it's certainly not at all required.

When you reply, please include the phrase "Pampered Pussy Lounge" in the subject so that I know you read this post. :-)

Ciao,

XXXXXX

Original URL: http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/stp/1508645771.html

Where Out-Of-Work Investment Bankers End Up

I'm guessing this homeless guy used to be an executive at Lehman Brothers or something.

Dear Homeless Guy At Cupertino Whole Foods

Date: 2009-12-13, 2:38PM

So homeless guy at Whole Foods Cupertino, there you were overweight, with food stains running down your shirt holding a sign saying you were hungry. I gave 50 cents because that is all I had on me. You complained that you could not buy anything at Whole Foods with that and chucked the money into the street. These poor money management skills are probably why you are in the situation you are in. Do you understand the art of panhandling? Smalls amounts of change can add up to descent change overtime. You SUCK!

Original URL: http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sby/rnr/1508583434.html

Kids Join the Darndest Cults!

I'm sure this person's concerns are totally unfounded.  This is probably just phase two of the Mormon plot to take over America via the Boy Scouts.

Is there a cult in Felton?

Date: 2009-12-04, 8:43PM

Anybody seen anything strange going on around Rosebloom Ave. in Felton? There is this really crusty creepy old hunchback man who always has a bunch of young brainwashed looking younger people on the road doing work and playing with chainsaws..they all have a very vacant look in their eyes like they are being controlled by him. I think they all live with him. He's really really creepy. Just wondering if anybody knows what's going on because they all look pretty disturbed and that crusty man looks like he needs to be taken away in a straight jacket.

Original URL: http://sfbay.craigslist.org/scz/rnr/1495693313.html

Your Love Is (Not) Better Than Ice Cream

If you REALLY want to bear his children, you could always settle for chocolate-vanilla swirl.

ice cream

Date: 2009-12-05, 10:13PM

you had a dog that was some kind of large rescue nervous dog but I pet him anyway and he really responded to me, and i of course have a small boutique pure bred. i held the freezer door for you and asked you directly with eye contact 'want some ice cream?' that one moonlit night at our local neighborhood corner store. you responded 'oh yeah!' with exuberance and a sparkle in your eye that gave me false hope and a quickening of my heart beat ; i saw our worlds collide, me undergoing hours of unnecessary labor to bring forth your beautiful bearded hipster children, and you living for the moments that you could lose yourself in the sensitivity and the guarded passion of my large innocent eyes; our gaze lingered for half of a half of a second and the universe held its breath as you reached for your.....
vanilla...
and i reached for my new york super fudge chunk.

it will never work.

Original URL: http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/mis/1497144521.html

OMFG, The Suspense Is KILLING Me!

Please, oh please, just skip to the part where you scam me out of all my money and get me to sign over power of attorney to you!

extra cash

Date: 2009-12-03, 2:22PM

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Really, do you...

...I'm serious...

Do you really want to earn some money online...

...If so...

Just in case you do...

...I'm hoping you're serious...

This is real...

...One click...

Go to the webpage...

...Download your FREE ebook...

Yes it's FREE...

...See for yourself...

[URL omitted]

Original URL: http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sby/biz/1493674171.html

ABC Was Just Trying to Protect Heterosexuals From Adam Lambert. DUH!

This is exactly the kind of thing networks were trying to protect people from when they started canceling Adam Lambert's TV appearances after the AMAs ...

Weird dream?

Date: 2009-12-03, 7:18PM

What do you suppose it means if your boyfriend says in his sleep "You're not trying to convert me into being bi are you?" I know dreams are strange but they usually seem to have some truth somewhere.... think I should tell him or keep it quiet?

Original URL: http://sfbay.craigslist.org/pen/rnr/1494067518.html

Craiglist Rule #47b

Don't drop acid before posting.

you left a clump of your hair

Date: 2009-11-30, 9:50PM

under your pillow and tommorow there'll be another clump of your hair in you hands. What have you done? You have turned into a dog and now I have your fleas !
Help me ! Please. That doggy will NOT get me, NO NO NO !!!!!

Original URL: http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/mis/1489381030.html